If you have hung around the church for very long, you have probably heard that God wants people to reserve physical intimacy for marriage.If you haven’t and that is news to you, then we can understand the shock you might be feeling.
Boundaries dating physical
So the question I always ask after I hear their stated boundaries is, how do you plan to accomplish following those boundaries?
Do you have any spatial boundaries in mind to help you follow your physical boundaries? ” I respond by saying, “the boundaries are great, but what happens when the movie gets boring and you’re both under the same blanket, alone, in a dark room?
There are sacrifices of time, when you might want to spend time on your favorite hobby, and yet the family needs you. One person may want to buy a new car, and yet the family needs money for the home. One person may want to go to one place for dinner and the others want something different.
Most importantly, there is the sacrifice that it takes to work out conflict.
What is going to curb the “I want what I want now” mentality in the rest of life?
If someone is able to respect the limit of hearing no for sex, then that is a character sign of someone who can say no to their own desires and hungers in order to serve a higher purpose, or to love another person.
I’m a perfect example of someone who did all the right things in my relationships.
I prayed with girlfriends, I did my best to center our relationship around God, and I always had the physical boundaries talk with them. I always found a way to get into a situation that rendered all my best laid plans powerless. When I talk with couples they have typically thought about boundaries and I typically find them to be appropriate. When Rose and I were dating, a pastor told me I shouldn’t touch Rose’s leg because it would cause me to stumble. Some boundaries are so strict they hold the relationship back from natural desires of sharing affection.
What happens when he touches your leg further up than you’re used to? Because self-control doesn’t always cut it.” Then begins the real conversation about boundaries.
Boundaries are great, as along as you know how you plan to be held accountable to them.
For many people, both inside and outside of the church, it does not make sense.