No amount of hoping, wishing, praying and ultimatum declaring, ladies, will make him yours ’til death do you part if he’s not there yet.Love Me Two Times: Stages of Commitment When it comes to a long-term romantic commitment there are two times in a man’s life: ready and not ready.On some level they want to be there with someone someday, and will sometimes express that they want to be there (thoroughly confusing and misleading their partner), but in the end they’re not ready, and may never be. But despite the desire deep down inside to have a serious, monogamous, committed relationship doesn’t mean they can.
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Over time if you’re having talks that lead nowhere but a high level of personal dissatisfaction, you may have to think about your relationship in the greater context of your life. If your answers are unequivocal “no’s,” you may have to gather all of your resolve and make the decision to leave.
As much as you may love someone, are they or will they be able to give you what you need to be happy? The perfect partner will want you as much as you want them.
The people we choose to spend our time with, whether fillers or not, become the ones that our fill lives, so keep a refined list of Must Haves and Can’t Stands in hand at all times. Not every relationship should be abandoned when fumbling toward commitment, especially if you’ve got broad-based compatibility and things seem to be going relatively well. Relationships are unions to be monitored and assessed periodically, even after marriage.
However, there comes a certain point in every long-term relationship when one partner questions where it’s going. It’s best to be on as much on the same page from Day One as Day One-Million-and-One.
Unhealed wounds can even go as far as someone not feeling as though they deserve to be with the right kind of person. Risking any kind of rejection from a relationship that they consider serious is too much to bear, so they date people that they like, but not enough to warrant a serious commitment in their hearts.
That next level of commitment with someone they never really took seriously on deep levels would blow their avoidant choices wide open into conscious view, and it’s too much to bear.There are countless relationships between two ultimately incompatible people ranging from “just dating” to living together—and even married—that are empty ventures drifting into nowhere. So there they stand, afraid to be alone but mortified by the idea of being spending the rest of their lives with the person they’re with.Take it one step further as time marches on and two very incompatible people can end up committing to one another because they both feel obligated because of how much time they’ve spent together.It’s been said that women fall in love with a man in his presence, and he falls in love with her in her absence.So state your case and then give him time to process it on his own.If he comes back with a response that it’s not the right time but that he still loves you more than anything in the world, don’t overreact; wait it out and then reassess the situation once your fears and insecurities have a chance to abate. Repetition is not the key to success in this situation if you don’t want to push him to an ultimatum that may end your relationship permanently.